In my last post which was awhile back, I was down to 143. Now I'm back up to about 155. :( I don't want to gain weight. I don't want to be the fat girl anymore. :( It's so hard counting and watching constantly. But to be honest, Ive really let myself go. I haven't just been not watching, I've stopped working out and I've started eating really bad foods again. Tonight, I am going to map out a new plan like I did when I was over 200 pounds. I need to get to my goal before I can have treats, and I know this. Im just very weak when it comes to certain foods. big sigh. :(

Faceless, nameless place...

I got up in the middle of the night last night and ate like 5 huge spoonfuls of peanut butter and equally as many spoonfuls of frosting. It sucks. I can't control y eating in the middle of the night, at ALL.

Good news is, I'm down to 143. The wieghtloss is going a lot slower now that I'm not being quite as strict on my diet, but at least it's still coming off, right?

I'm running a little late but I sort of needed to write something today. I'm having a shitty week and I needed to talk to my little faceless nameless place on the internet...

-BG

Move over Jenny Craig, you fat bitch.

This is this... I forget I open them! Yeah, yeah... So that's crazy. I spend a ton of time on the computer, because I'm a nerd, and I forget that I have a blog.

So here's the haps for now. I've been sticking to my diet. Hallelujah! I'm amazed that I've been doing so well... So I started at 220. This morning when I stepped on the scae I grinned wide as the weight stared back at me. No kidding. Not even close to joking, it said... Drum roll please. 160. That's right. I've lost a whopping 60 pounds. So I do have a lot to go. I'm thinking about 35 more pounds, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna say that I'm not jumping for joy and amazed that Ive managed to lose so much weight.

I'm still dropping about 3 pounds a week. I've come to the comclusion. A very simple conclusion and something that you woud think that everyone would understand this and follow the simple rule of thumb. What you take in, you have to burn off. Yup. I'm a fucking genius, right?

I'm not doing Weight Watchers. I'm not doing Jenny Craig. I'm not doing Atkins or some bullshit fruit or veggie diet. I'm just keeping my calories low and working out everyday. Whoda thunk it was such a simple solution? Looks like I wont have to cut a chunk of my belly out after all. Well, unless I decide to get a tummy tuck after I lose the rest of my weight. The little flappy thing bothers me. My back fat is gone, which is really cool, and my legs look afuckingmazing, but theres this little flap thing on my stomach that reminds me of a less drastic version of the one that what's his face has in Click.

So that's about it for now. Man, I have to remember I have this blog. I do keep a journal that I write in daily. I'm thinking I might just type it all out and post it here so I have something to look at when I need some inspiration. I also want to map out my meals on here. I do write what I'm gonna eat out, every week at the start of the week. So it would be good for other people to be able to see what got this weight off of me. Maybe someone else will follow my crappy, and probably unhealthy diet plan and lose just as much. It might not be the best thing to cut a lot of calories out, but I've also read that losing 3 pounds a week, is A GOOD THING.

I'll be back! Toodles.

PS. Thank you to Curves. They've really been a great support system and I love working out there.

Tummy Tuck

So it's now Friday April 11. I'm weighing in at 188, which is not too terrible. I still want it to come off faster than it is. I'm working out 5 days a week, and taking Alli with pretty much every meal. So if I'm working off 500 calories a day, working out and walking, seriously, I should be losing at a pretty quick rate. I don't eat a very high amount of calories, and I lessen them by the week. I figure 188 isn't all that bad, since the last weight I typed in was 192.

I've noticed since I cut down my calories and stopped eating every hour of the day, that I'm not getting hungry as often. Someone told me as long as I eat protein, that I wouldn't be hungry as often, and it seems to be true. This week I'm eating more carbs, but counting calories still, so I'm hoping it works out for me. If it doesn't I'm gonna be pretty damn pissed.

Anyway, I've noticed the women at the gym hate me. It might be the fact that most of them are old and fat. Those that aren't old and fat, are old and skinny, but pretty damn saggy because they used to be fat. I think that it's a damn good thing I decided to lose this weight at 30. If I had waited any longer, I don't think my body would be able to bounce back, and I sure can't afford a tummy tuck.

OK. That's it for tonight. I guess I don't have a hell of a lot to talk about. I guess I want to make this blog a little mroe personal, but you never really know if magically one day, someone I know could come across it and then I would be kind've screwed.

30. Fuck. I'm gonna be 30 in just a couple of weeks. Shoot me now, please!

Once a big girl, always a big girl?

Let me start this page off, by saying, no. I wasn't always fat. I started gaining weight when I was about 12. I suppose I could say that becoming fat had everything to do with my fucked up home life and nothing to do with my own love of food and my own low self worth. Truth be told, I've always overeaten. I've also eaten the crappiest foods. (This I actually can pass the blame off to someone else.)

My Mother never force fed me anything. She never made me eat my veggies if I didn't want to. I grew up on Macaroni and Cheese and Happy Meals just like most kids, today. She's also obese and still eats ribs and fast food for dinner. She doesn't care what people think. That's the difference between my Mother and I. I don't like not getting the guy because I'm too fat. I don't like kids cracking jokes at me or making hurtful comments even when they don't mean them to be cruel. When a child tells you you're too fat, he or she is only saying something that adults are too embarrassed to say. Children, bless their hearts, are blunt and honest, unless it'll get them in trouble.

I woke up a couple of months ago and decided that was it. I didn't want to be fat anymore. I decided it was time to get off my fat, miserable ass, and do something about it. My doctor told me I was obese. I had blood drawn and my cholesterol level was through the roof. My sugar was dangerously close to being diabetic. I went home and cried myself to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I enrolled in a gym and I began dieting. Two months ago I weighed 220 pounds. Today, I weigh 192. Yep. You heard it. I've lost 28 pounds in a period of two months. With diet, walking, exercise and pure fucking self control, I'm going to regain control of my life and my body. I refuse to get gastric bypass. I refuse to have to take medication to fix my sugar, while I overeat and continue gaining weight. I can lose the weight. I will lose the weight.

I've decided that this page is going to be my little place to keep track of my efforts and progress. I'm going to post my weight every few days, whether I've lost weight or not. Not weekly like other pages I've seen about weight loss. Honestly, I doubt anyone will ever see this page anyway, but I need a place that I can look back on and see how hard I've tried. This is going to be my semi public diary. Not only about weight loss, but whatever the hell I feel like writing about or bitching about. If you come across this page and you don't like it, feel free to go the fuck away. I'm very sensitive about my weight, which is why I'm making the change. I don't need miserable, rude, fucks, making fat jokes or rude, shitty comments.

I can change. Not only can I change, but I can do it without the help of Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. I can push myself to the limit over and over again, and keep going. Fuck you Jenny. I don't need your help. I'm a strong, beautiful woman, and I can do this.

-Big Girl

Today's Date is Monday, April 7, 2008 and I weigh 192 pounds.