Once a big girl, always a big girl?

Let me start this page off, by saying, no. I wasn't always fat. I started gaining weight when I was about 12. I suppose I could say that becoming fat had everything to do with my fucked up home life and nothing to do with my own love of food and my own low self worth. Truth be told, I've always overeaten. I've also eaten the crappiest foods. (This I actually can pass the blame off to someone else.)

My Mother never force fed me anything. She never made me eat my veggies if I didn't want to. I grew up on Macaroni and Cheese and Happy Meals just like most kids, today. She's also obese and still eats ribs and fast food for dinner. She doesn't care what people think. That's the difference between my Mother and I. I don't like not getting the guy because I'm too fat. I don't like kids cracking jokes at me or making hurtful comments even when they don't mean them to be cruel. When a child tells you you're too fat, he or she is only saying something that adults are too embarrassed to say. Children, bless their hearts, are blunt and honest, unless it'll get them in trouble.

I woke up a couple of months ago and decided that was it. I didn't want to be fat anymore. I decided it was time to get off my fat, miserable ass, and do something about it. My doctor told me I was obese. I had blood drawn and my cholesterol level was through the roof. My sugar was dangerously close to being diabetic. I went home and cried myself to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I enrolled in a gym and I began dieting. Two months ago I weighed 220 pounds. Today, I weigh 192. Yep. You heard it. I've lost 28 pounds in a period of two months. With diet, walking, exercise and pure fucking self control, I'm going to regain control of my life and my body. I refuse to get gastric bypass. I refuse to have to take medication to fix my sugar, while I overeat and continue gaining weight. I can lose the weight. I will lose the weight.

I've decided that this page is going to be my little place to keep track of my efforts and progress. I'm going to post my weight every few days, whether I've lost weight or not. Not weekly like other pages I've seen about weight loss. Honestly, I doubt anyone will ever see this page anyway, but I need a place that I can look back on and see how hard I've tried. This is going to be my semi public diary. Not only about weight loss, but whatever the hell I feel like writing about or bitching about. If you come across this page and you don't like it, feel free to go the fuck away. I'm very sensitive about my weight, which is why I'm making the change. I don't need miserable, rude, fucks, making fat jokes or rude, shitty comments.

I can change. Not only can I change, but I can do it without the help of Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. I can push myself to the limit over and over again, and keep going. Fuck you Jenny. I don't need your help. I'm a strong, beautiful woman, and I can do this.

-Big Girl

Today's Date is Monday, April 7, 2008 and I weigh 192 pounds.